Relationships aren’t always smooth sailing – and sometimes, you may find yourself wondering if this is the right person for you.
Whether it’s communication struggles, scheduling conflicts, or simply finding it hard to connect, everyone goes through a rough patch.
But one theory floating on social media could help you determine whether your partner is invested in you – or if they’ve checked out of the romance already.
While viral ‘tests’ can often veer into extremes, this hack claims to be science-based.
The ‘bird test’, which has grown in popularity on platforms like TikTok, sounds exceedingly simple but provides some telling results.
It can be done nearly anywhere, as long as you and your partner are in the same vicinity.
All you have to do is point anywhere and say: ‘Look at that bird!’
Whether or not there is actually a bird to look at is not the point of the test. It’s what your partner does that is worth paying attention to.
The ‘bird test’ can involve real or imaginary birds, but it’s your partner’s response that you should pay attention to. Stock image used
They can respond in three different ways. They could either turn towards you to see what you’re pointing at (even if it’s nothing); turn away from you with a non-committal grunt; or not respond to you at all.
It is thought that the first response, in which your partner shows interest in what you’re interested in, is a sign that your relationship will go the distance.
And while the other two responses may spell disaster for a romance, simply receiving an unenthusiastic ‘mmm’ is deemed much worse than stony silence.
The test went viral on TikTok, as users were eager to try it out on their partners.
Many wholesome responses were recorded and shared on the platform, from partners who immediately and excitedly looked for the imaginary bird to those who looked up the types of birds that were spotted.
Unlike many social media trends that claim to improve relationships, the bird test is actually approved by experts.
According to the Gottman Institute, doing the ‘bird test’ can help predict whether your relationship will be successful in the longer run. Stock image used
It stems from a theory called Bids for Connection, which is based on research from the Gottman Institute.
The Gottman Institute, founded by Drs John and Julie Gottman, provides research-based tools to help people in relationships through conflict, intimacy and connection.
Bids for Connection refers to any attempt from on partner to the other for any positive connection, whether it’s for attention, affirmation, or affection.
It was coined after Dr John conducted a study with newlyweds, who he followed up with six years later.
He found that the couple who stayed married were better at ‘turning towards’ each other instead of away.
Those who stayed married ‘turned towards’ one another 86 per cent of the time, compared to couples who divorced, who only did the same 33 per cent of the time.
The Gottman Institute explains that ‘bids’ can be as simple as a smile or more complex, such as in the form of a request – like ‘Look at that bird’.
Different bids can have different meanings behind them, depending on what the person issuing the bid needs or wants at that moment.
For example, ‘Look at that bird’ can mean ‘pay attention to what I say’, whereas ‘How was dinner?’ can be a need for interest or active excitement in their accomplishments.
When a partner responds to your bid by showing interest and taking positive actions, it helps to reassure the other that they are committed.
But the Gottman Institute warns that to ‘miss’ a bid is to ‘turn away’, which can be ‘even more devastating’ than outright rejection.
‘Rejecting a bid at least provides the opportunity for continued engagement and repair,’ it explained.
‘Missing the bid results in diminished bids, or worse, making bids for attention, enjoyment, and affection somewhere else.’
Dr Johns and Julie responded to the bird test in a TikTok video and said it was a ‘brilliant’ example of their Bids for Connection theory.
Dr Julie added that turning towards a partner’s bid ‘doesn’t have to be an enthusiastic turning toward, where you whip out your bird book’.
‘All you need is, ‘Oh wow, that’s cool’. That’s turning toward, that’s all you have to do,’ she said.
