Those who have had the misfortune of working for a toxic boss will be familiar with their unbounded expectations.
No matter if you’re starting early and finishing late, meeting an absent colleague’s responsibilities as well as your own and picking up the phone before dawn, it’s still not enough to elicit a ‘well done’ let alone a pay rise.
But while a toxic boss who is ‘exacting or demanding or perfectionistic’ might drive employees to burnout, they’re nothing on a narcissistic one who can be doubly troublesome, according to Los Angeles-based psychologist Dr Ramani Durvasula.
Not only will a narcissistic manager expect the world of their underlings, they will also seek to arrest their professional progress in a poorly understood process known as ‘future-freezing’.
Described by Dr Ramani, 59, as ‘pretty effed-up,’ future-freezing is not a million miles away from future-faking – a deceitful tactic involving making false promises.
A narcissistic person might deploy future-faking in order to keep a dissatisfied partner around or get their own way.
In a similar way, future-freezing is a tactic used by a narcissistic boss to prevent their employee from progressing professionally – usually because it suits them to have that person in a supportive role.
In a video on her YouTube channel, which has 1.87 subscribers, Dr Ramani says: ‘You thought future-faking was bad. In the workplace, the future stuff is even worse.’
Dr Ramani Durvasula (pictured) explains that a narcissistic boss may try to arrest their employee’s progress in a process known as ‘future-freezing’
Fortunately, the psychologist, formerly a professor at California State University, Los Angeles, not only explains what future freezing is and how to spot it – she also tells employees how they can free from themselves from the grip of a narcissistic boss and progress their career in a timely manner.
‘The selfishness of a narcissistic boss, like any narcissistic person, knows no bounds,’ Dr Ramani begins.
As such, any lingering belief that they have their team member’s best interests at heart is nothing more than fiction.
The psychologist continues: ‘Some of you may have detected that your boss was narcissistic but also believed that working hard will get you ahead or that someone would take notice of it and there would be an opportunity to grow within the organisation.’
Yet Dr Ramani quickly dispels this myth by explaining that rather than rewarding your achievements with a promotion or a pay rise, a narcissistic boss will do everything in their power to keep you in your place – usually because it works in their favour.
Dr Ramani explains: ‘You may be doing your job uncomplainingly, keeping your eye on the prize, believing that if you do well, you will be advanced. [But] because they are narcissistic, they have zero interest in your growth or your potential.
‘They only know that with you around – and they feel entitled to you being around, by the way – that it’s better for them.’
Because, even if the narcissistic boss takes credit for their conscientious employee’s hard work, deep down they are aware that they need them and would be worse off if that person moved on.
The Los Angeles-based psychologist was speaking in a video posted to her YouTube channel, which has 1.87 million subscribers
It’s at this point that the future-freezing comes in to play, according to Dr Ramani.
She says: ‘This takes us to the whole “future-frozen” part and this is actually pretty effed up. The narcissistic boss… will actually hold you back.’
A narcissistic boss is likened to a narcissistic parent who expects their child to anticipate and meet their needs.
Like a narcissistic parent, a narcissistic boss will accuse their high-achieving employee of being ungrateful, greedy or selfish should they express their desire to progress or pursue a different path.
‘The narcissistic boss feels entitled to you as well and that pattern of subjugation shows up in the same way,’ Dr Ramani says. ‘With a narcissistic boss, you exist for them, for their career, and they will label you as selfish.’
They might equally call their employee a poor team player and accuse them of being ruthless, suggesting that they’re the one who’s behaving badly – just because they’re striving for more.
And, in their attempt to future-freeze, they will fall back on the all too familiar tactic of future-faking.
A narcissistic boss may try to keep their talented and hard-working employees from progressing because their own reputation relies on their efforts (stock image)
‘They may tell you that you are not ready to advance – even though you are – and they may future fake you and tell you that the team just needs to get past some made up deadline or bench mark and then you can talk about it,’ Dr Ramani explains.
Similarly, the narcissistic boss may lie outright, denying that their are opportunities for promotion, for example.
Perhaps even more worrying, a narcissistic boss bent on holding an employee back is likely to try to sabotage any attempts they make to move on to a better position.
Dr Ramani warns that employees who attempt to network or uncover potential opportunities within the organisation may well be stopped in their tracks by a narcissistic boss who ‘will put the word out’.
This kind of tactic is particularly harmful for employees who ‘have even an ounce of imposter syndrome’, something which disproportionately affects women.
Imposter syndrome is a failure to accept that one’s success is deserved or has been genuinely achieved as a result of one’s own efforts or skills.
Dr Ramani continues: ‘The narcissistic boss who’s future freezing you may also take the future faking to a cruel level and even lie to you about how they’re going to talk to other people in the organisation to ensure that the right people know about you but they never do.
‘And the final insult in all of this is that they may even try and block you when you try to leave the position and seek out a new one.’
For example, the narcissistic boss may deny their employee the kind of reference they deserve.
‘As all of this happens, you are future frozen and it’s important for you to be aware of this dynamic because you could end up stuck in it for a very long time and may miss real opportunities to advance in a timely manner,’ the psychologist adds.
Yet, fortunately, there are ways to pre-empt a narcissistic boss’s limiting, future-freezing behaviour and even find a way around it.
‘First,’ says Dr Ramani, ‘you have to know what narcissism is [and] how it shows up in the workplace.
‘As with any narcissistic relationship – bosses are no different – you need to radically accept and recognise that if you have a future-freezer boss, they will not make it easy for you to leave.’
Once someone is aware of their narcissistic boss’s attempt to hold them back, they need to ‘document the hell out of everything’.
Dr Ramani elaborates: ‘You need to ask for ongoing performance reviews so you have evidence of your performance so you have records of any work product you create.
‘You also need to do your homework on what has happened to people who have worked with this person before.
‘Make some tentative enquires and ask about the people who came before you but do this carefully so it doesn’t get back to the narcissistic boss.’
Even more important, however, is finding a ‘genuinely supportive, non-narcissistic mentor separate from the narcissistic boss.’
Such a person can be a useful sounding board and will know how long the employee should expect to remain at their level and what their best next steps look like.
But that’s not all. The ambitious employee must also be proactive and make discreet enquiries about other jobs.
Crucially, ‘keep it all under your hat’ so that the narcissistic boss doesn’t try to ‘shut it down’.
As unpleasant as it is to think about, the employee needs to be ‘prepared for [a] smear campaign’ or for the reality that the narcissistic boss ‘may foster and share a skewed narrative about you.’
Finally, a mistreated employee must be aware that their narcissistic boss – who is used to getting their own way – may eventually resort to other tactics, such as offering a long-overdue pay rise.
In this situation, however, the unhappy and stuck employee shouldn’t ‘get tempted by a hoover’.
‘It is still going to keep you in the subjugated space and it will always be about them,’ Dr Ramani insists.
‘And, unless you are comfortable with being the professional equivalent of your narcissistic boss’s butler for the rest of your career, don’t fall for it.
The psychologist concludes: ‘Whatever they’re dangling in front of you, including money, may be very tempting, but the individuation, autonomy, and pursuing a career that isn’t about making [your boss] look good is even more valuable.
‘It’ll allow you to develop in an authentic manner professionally – and you can’t put a price on that.’
