BBC Scotland, Aberdeen
BBCBeth Taylor struggled to get out of bed after she was told she had miscarried at her 12-week pregnancy scan.
Her boss, she says, asked ‘would she be back tomorrow or the next day?’
The 25-year-old from Aberdeen had envisioned a life for her first child – one that was lost in an instant during the appointment last summer.
“Even if it’s a week into the pregnancy and you lose it, you’ve still lost the whole future that you were going to have,” she said.
“The second you see those two lines on that test, your whole life is completely different – you picture your whole life completely differently.”
Beth is among the grieving people who have welcomed the UK government’s backing of bereavement leave for couples who experience such a loss.
Currently employees are eligible for parental bereavement leave if they or their partner lose their baby after 24 weeks of pregnancy.
Business Minister Justin Madders told MPs he “fully accepts” the principle of bereavement leave for pregnancy loss at all stages, and promised to look at adding the right to the Employment Rights Bill.
The proposal will now be considered by the House of Lords.
Campaigners and charities have described it as a crucial step forward in acknowledging miscarriage as a bereavement.
Beth told BBC Scotland News that when she asked her former workplace for time off after her loss, their response made an already traumatic time even harder.
“My boss just automatically assumed I’d want to come back to work after that and said ‘will you be back tomorrow, or maybe the next day?’
“And I was obviously, like, no, I’m going to need a bit of time.
“It felt that a lot of what I was feeling was sort of wrong, like it was a shameful thing I’d gone through, and no-one wanted to address it and say do you need some time to yourself?
“Just walking around my house afterwards, it was hard. I couldn’t go into the spare bedroom because that was going to be their bedroom.
“It was almost impossible to get out of bed, let alone go to work and be normal.”
Beth said her only option was to take unpaid leave, and the experience resulted in her leaving her job.
Abi Clarke set up the Miscarriage Information Support Service, based in Aberdeen.
This was after her own experience of baby loss.
She also welcomed news of the proposed leave change.
“After such a traumatic loss – whatever your experience may be, however early, however late you were – it is a loss,” she said.
“It is a bereavement – you’re grieving.
“When you get that pregnancy test, when you get that positive your life changes – and when you have that loss, again your life changes again – it’s something that always sticks with you.
“Just having that acknowledgement, being able to say that it’s ok, that you’ve had a loss, it’s not your fault – but also to know there’s support available there as well.”
‘A uniquely devastating experience’
When sports writer Michael McEwan and his wife went for their 12-week scan, they were also told they had lost their baby.
“In that moment my life completely changed. I don’t think I’ve been the same since,” he said.
“It’s the most uniquely devastating, crushing experience, frankly, that I’ve ever had.”
The couple suffered two further miscarriages, before their daughter, now aged seven, was born.
Michael said his workplace at the time was supportive but that, with hindsight, he thought he maybe went back too quickly.
“I think I went back to work two days later,” he said. “But it wasn’t the right thing at that time.
“It’s hard to articulate unless you’ve been through it – at the point you discover you’re going to become a parent, you start behaving and feeling and acting like a parent.
“Even when you can’t reach out and touch them, when you can’t hold them, when you can’t comfort them – they’re still your child, and that’s the part I think a lot of people don’t understand.”
He said any progress on bereavement leave was a “positive thing”.
“It can only help people – and I wish it had been around 10 years ago,” he added.
