The new Netflix drama Adolescence has won plaudits around the world. The gripping four-part drama begins with the arrest of a boy aged 13 for the murder of a female classmate.
The show doesn’t concern itself with whether he did it or not – the evidence is convincingly laid out from the start – but rather why.
The boy’s father, Eddie, is the appropriate adult as he is interviewed by police. Over the course of a 13-month period as the case is built, we see his dawning realisation that he knows nothing of the online world his son has inhabited. It’s grim but compelling watching.
What makes it such an important piece is the light it shines on how unaware adults are about the dark world it’s all too easy for teenage boys to find.
Lost, confused and directionless, ‘incel’ (short for ‘involuntary celibate’) culture, which is mired in misogyny, is an appealing, if vile, reaction to a world where boys can feel forgotten.
It’s not difficult to understand why young men feel confused if they have been brought up surrounded by conflicting messages about their role in society.
Men must respect women, care for them and be kind, while at the same time they face being bombarded with pornography that normalises violence.
This month a report called Lost Boys by The Centre For Social Justice was published. It reported that boys are struggling in education, more likely to take their own lives, less likely to get into stable work and far more likely to be caught up in crime compared with girls.
The Netflix drama Adolescence explores the dark world teenage boys can inhabit, when 13-year-old Jamie, played by Owen Cooper, is accused of the murder of a female classmate
Over the course of a 13-month period, as the police investigation is built, Jamie’s father, Eddie (played by Stephen Graham), gradually realises that he knows nothing of the online world his son has inhabited
There is no doubt that changes in society are at least partly behind this. Boys are now more likely to own a smartphone than to live with their father.
By the age of 14, almost half of first-born children do not live with both natural parents, compared to 21 per cent for those born in 1970.
As the likelihood of a masculine presence in the home diminishes, young men are seeking new role models of masculinity, such as the controversial social media personality Andrew Tate.
Make no mistake, I do not intend to excuse ‘incel’ culture at all, but it’s important to understand where it comes from. Adolescence is difficult at the best of times.
Hormones all over the place, a body that seems to be out of control, uncertainty about who you are, what you want in life and where you fit in the big scheme of things.
But there’s an extra factor. The reality is boys are particularly susceptible to radical opinions because their prefrontal cortex is still developing.
This part of the brain is the seat for impulse control and delaying gratification, foreseeing and judging consequences of behaviour, predicting outcomes, forming strategies and planning, controlling emotions, inhibiting inappropriate behaviour and initiating appropriate behaviour.
It’s the part of the brain that makes us who we are. The evidence from scans is that the prefrontal cortex is the last part of the brain to fully mature and is still developing well into a person’s twenties.
This is why teenagers behave the way they do. With an immature prefrontal cortex, teenagers can understand that a behaviour is dangerous or wrong but they lack the hardwiring in the brain to process these thoughts and understand them in the same way as an adult.
While this applies to both boys and girls, studies have shown that, on average, boys brains are slower to develop particularly in the prefrontal cortex.
I saw one young man in my clinic who, at the age of 16, got in serious trouble after he tried to strangle his girlfriend during sex. It escalated so that everyone at school knew what had happened and he was hounded out.
It had a dramatic, profound impact on his future and was no doubt hugely traumatic for the girl.
There is absolutely no excuse for his behaviour yet, speaking to him, it was clear he had been fed a toxic mix of misinformation online about how to treat women and had been watching hateful, violent pornography.
So how can parents help their boys? The key to this is ensuring you are monitoring and checking what is happening online. Here’s my advice on how you can help…
Educate yourself
You think you understand young people and may even think you have a grasp of youth culture. You almost certainly don’t. Parents cannot hope to spot the signs that something is wrong if they don’t even understand the complex subcultures that exist.
As Adolescence shows, you need to understand the words, ideas and even emojis that are used by younger people.
Watching YouTube clips of the likes of Andrew Tate will give an insight into what you need to protect your son from. Always try to encourage an open, judgment-free line of communication so your son feels he can talk about things he’s seen or heard.
Talk about sex
I have great sympathy with parents about this. I know it is awkward and can feel like you are robbing your child of their innocence but rest assured that, if you don’t, you’re leaving this up to some unsavoury character on the internet or to pornography, or both. Talk to them about sex in the context of a loving, equal relationship. Talk to them about consent and boundaries.
Encourage a bond
A grandparent, an older sibling, an uncle – young boys need a guiding hand to help navigate young manhood. It doesn’t matter who it is – it might even be a family friend and not their father. They need someone they connect with and respect.
Have meals as a family
Communal meals give an opportunity to spot if anything is off and gives the child an opportunity to talk. It helps improve their social skills. Mobile phones should be banned at the table.
Eating meals together gives a parent an opportunity to spot if anything is off while giving a child an opportunity to talk
No bedroom computer
A child should absolutely not have a computer in their bedroom. The same goes for their smartphone and iPads at bedtime. It will encourage them to spend long periods in their bedroom, away from the rest of the family, isolated and vulnerable.
The computer should be in a communal space so you can keep an eye on what is happening and what they are looking at. If they have laptops, then the rule should be it stays downstairs and they can do their homework in the kitchen or lounge.
Limit their phone use
I’m shocked by how many young people have unrestricted access to a smartphone. This is just asking for trouble. If you must give them a phone, it should be on the condition that you can check it at any time, including their messages.
No child should have social media until they are 16. It opens up a host of problems.
Yes, they might be annoyed or upset, but you’re their parent, not their friend. Limit the apps on their phone to those which are essential. Lead by example and limit your own phone use.
A drug that helps destroy the protein amyloid may prevent people with a genetic propensity from developing Alzheimer’s early.
Research into gantenerumab is in its early stages, but this could be great news for those at risk.
Labour is aiming to cut billions from the welfare bill by placing further restrictions on those eligible for disability benefits.
It is estimated these changes, planned for November 2026, will mean between 800,000 and 1.2million will lose support of between £4,200 and £6,300 a year by 2029-30.
Forecasts show welfare spending will top £100billion by 2030. Liz Kendall warned that it was ‘not sustainable’ and I agree.
There are 1,000 applications for Personal Independence Payment (PIP) per day. We can’t go on like this.
Dr Max prescribes… changing relationship with alcohol
I’m a fan of The Sinclair Method which involves taking naltrexone, a medication which stops people getting a ‘buzz’ from alcohol. This helps them break the habit so they no longer want to overindulge.
Despite the evidence showing how effective this is, it’s rarely used in the NHS and is often expensive in the private sector. This new online service provides it at relatively low cost with support: choosenul.com
