There is no doubt that dating is hard, but what if there was a way to make it easier?
Perhaps many of us have been making the same mistakes over and over again without even noticing.
DailyMail.com has spoken exclusively with Dr. Terri Orbuch, PhD, who is a relationship expert at DatingAdvice.com.
She broke down those pesky, repetitive mistakes and gave some suggestions to prevent bad dates before they happen.
Dr. Terri said there were a number of common errors but she revealed the five standouts.
‘Sharing too much, too soon,’ she began. ‘On a first date, many daters make the mistake of sharing too much about themselves.
‘This is too overwhelming for others on the first date. Instead, gradually disclose personal information.
‘On a first date, you want to leave them interested and wanting more.’
DailyMail.com has spoken exclusively with Dr. Terri Orbuch, PhD, who is a relationship expert at DatingAdvice.com
The second mistake was discussing an ex and your personal challenges.
‘On first dates, people are attracted to daters who are positive, optimistic, and hopeful,’ she explained.
‘You don’t want to share why previous relationships that didn’t work and what isn’t going well right now in your life.
‘Stay hopeful and positive. Misery does not like company.
‘If revelations are necessary, make them as brief and neutral as possible.’
The expert’s third standout mistake was saying ‘no’ right away because there isn’t instant chemistry or attraction.
‘First dates can be challenging and nerve-wracking for many people,’ she told FEMAIL.
‘Many daters assume that they should be “swept” off their feet or feel instant chemistry with someone on the first date.
Dr. Terri said there were a number of mistakes, but she revealed the five standouts (stock image)
‘This is an unrealistic expectation and only typically happens in the movies. Chemistry and attraction can grow over time as you get to know someone.
‘Don’t dismiss someone as a potential relationship partner just because you didn’t feel instant chemistry or butterflies in your stomach.
‘Be open to a second date unless there is a definite ‘deal-breaker’ that was discovered.’
Another mistake is talking about yourself for the entire duration.
‘On first dates, many daters make the mistake of spending the entire first date talking about themselves,’ Dr. Terri explained.
‘Instead, ask the other person questions about them, their hobbies, favorite travel spots, and what they like to do.
‘You want to gather information about the other person and women are particularly attracted to people who ask questions and are interested in them.’
The fifth and final standout mistake is putting too much pressure on the meet up.
‘First dates are all about having fun and gathering information about your date,’ she stated.
‘If you are too serious, the date sounds too much like a job interview, or you are so focused on whether you will marry this person [or whether you have a future with this person], your date will not go well.’
Now, with all of this in mind, how can we stop a bad date before it happens?
The relationship expert said: ‘Let go of the emotional baggage connected to the past.
‘People often get triggered on first dates to issues or challenges connected to previous relationships.
‘For example, people may be attracted to others who are different from a former partner [or have what they needed but wasn’t present in a former partner].
‘If people work out the past and let go of the strong emotions connected to the past, then they are more likely to be fully present on the first date and see their date for who they really are.’
She also said planning ahead is key to preventing a bad date.
‘Take time to think about what you’ll do and say on the first date. Rehearse questions and make a list of possible topics to talk about,’ she suggested.
She also suggested tips on how to prevent a bad date before they happen (stock image)
Another tip is to show you are interested in the person: ‘Instead of trying to ‘sell’ yourself or worrying about whether the other person will like you [and then too much anxiety or talking the entire time about you], focus on getting to know the other person. Be curious. Be interested.’
She also discussed that there are certain learned actions people do on first dates.
‘These can be identified and modified,’ she revealed.
‘We often aren’t aware of our patterns or first-date mistakes.
‘Date and relationship coaches can help people understand their first-date mistakes and learned patterns and assumptions.
‘Date and relationship coaches empower you with strategies and tips to ace your first dates.’
Finally, Dr. Terri said understanding that similarity in underlying values and attitudes is key.
‘People are often attracted to their opposite. However, research studies show that the similarity in underlying values and attitudes [between you and a potential relationship partner] is predictive of relationships that last long-term,’ she told FEMAIL.
